STRETCH

'Lead with your Listener'

• We spend half of our 'work' day - about four hours - in listening activities.   
• You hear about two hours' worth of what is said.
• You actually listen to about half of it. 
• You only understand thirty minutes of that hour. 
• You believe only 15 minutes' worth. 
• And you remember less than eight minutes of all that is said. 

There IS a difference between 'hearing' and 'listening'.  When people talk - do you really 'hear' them? Can you 'feel' what they are trying to express?  This isn't about making assumptions or drawing conclusions. This is about understanding, learning, keeping problems from growing, and establishing trust.

"One of the greatest gifts you can give anyone is the gift of attention." - John Rohn

I love this quote because it reminds me that listening is so much more than hearing.  Listening is far more than simply using your ears.  Listening requires eye contact, body language and time.  One rule I try to live by when interacting and 'listening' to others is this:

Wherever you are, be all the way there.

I want my mind, my attention, my eyes to be focused on the individual speaking to me.  The next time you are in a group of people and someone is talking - look at their eyes as they speak and before you know it, they will be looking at you the majority of the time.  This naturally will create influence and influence always precedes leadership.

So, in the context of your relationships at home, work or play - are you a 'hearer' or a 'listener'?

Stretch yourself

Jesse

Seeing what can't be seen

We are all leading someone. This is reality.  CEO's lead organizations, Mayor's lead cities, principles lead schools and parents lead children.  It's safe to say, you are leading someone.  Maybe it's a friend, a sibling or a co-worker.  LEADERSHIP is NATURAL.  

Potential is a valuable commodity.  A few things to consider about 'potential'.   It is full of promise, hope and direction.  Potential is 'existing in possibility'. It's up for grabs, but is not guaranteed.  It is capable of developing into actuality. Here is what the famous composer Gian Carlo Menotti said about potential:

"Hell begins on that day when God grants us a clear vision of all that we might have achieved, of all the gifts that we wasted, of all that we might have done that we did not do."

Another thing about potential. One key to creating your own is to recognize it in others. When you look at someone, what do you see? Do you even see anything? What if you started looking for potential. Unrealized potential is a tragic waste. When you lead someone, you have the privilege of helping others discover and develop their potential. But you can't do that until you see their potential. The real test is always between what you've done and what you're capable of doing. 

Whenever you look at people, look for the spark of greatness. Watch and listen with your heart as well as your eyes. What if you saw a glimpse of something in someone and you called it out?

Look at your children and determine what is 'existing in possibility'. Did they do something without being told? Maybe that is a glimpse of responsibility. Affirm that. Remember this principle:

Whatever gets rewarded, gets repeated.

Effective leadership, regardless of your position or title, requires you to 'see what can't be seen' in the lives of those around you and calling it out.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

A Day in the Life: (Old School journal style)

Sadly, my day in the life video has been lost in translation.  Not sure what happened, but the camera is not importing my footage to my computer.  So, in the meantime this is what was accomplished today.

 

6:00        Wake-up  (Shower, clean up, dress, check Twitter...the norm)
  7:00        Wake-up Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Promptly serve breakfast to avoid panicked frenzy)
  7:20        Dress Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Socks aren't matching but who cares?)
  7:45        Leave for Day (Pile in family truckster and head to baby squatter's house)
  8:00        Drop Off (Lovingly drop kids at nanny's house *wave, kiss, hug*)

 

Drive    Drive    Drive    Drive

 

8:45         Arrive at place of employment
  9:00         Promptly begin a writing project/upcoming deadline
  9:30         Begin Meeting 1: (Mtg should be over at 10:30)
11:04         Meeting ends (Angels are singing)
11:13         Leave for Fountain Hills, AZ (Upcoming retreat destination)
11:40         Arrive at lunch destination (hmmm...check out the view)

Yes, that is a GIANT fountain in a lake full of reclaimed water.  Not safe for swimming, but definitely safe for viewing.

12:50    Leave for retreat destination (take tour of facilities - it's beautiful) Enjoy it here.

*walk around the place, looking at rooms, pool, ect. View from balcony below:
1:00    Gather all the information for the retreat (including a Creme Soda Dum Dum)
1:12    Head back to Phoenix (Laughing the entire way with my team)
1:43    Starbucks run (Iced Coffee with milk and a shot of vanilla GRANDE *thanks for all the     
           recommendations from my Twitter pals)
2:20    Back in office (make a mass of phone calls, twitter check)
3:40    Quick meeting with the team (This is where we determined to postpone retreat.  LOL)
5:00    Quick meeting with a young leader (Challenging his attitude was a good thing and will pay
           dividends ONE day)
5:15    Leave to get Thing 1 and Thing 2 (drive, drive, drive, Twitter check)
6:00    Grab boys (Thank nanny, *hugs *kisses *back in the family truckster)
6:15    HOME!

Enjoyed the day - lots happening - I have a great life.

Jesse

Friday's are my Favorite

I love Friday's for a a couple of reasons: First, it begins my weekend.  Secondly, I have the whole day with my boys.  Here is a glimpse of our day so far:

Wake up call: 7:30 (Noble yelling "Daddy!!!!" from his room)

Official wake-up: 8:00 (Me getting Noble out of his room)

Breakfast: 8:06 (Friday's = Special breakfast; today's choice was TRIX)

Chill time: 8:40 (Star Wars for Halon, watching Oswald for Noble)

...........

(Okay, you get the picture - so here are some 'real' pics for your viewing pleasure:

*This picture is Halon in his Bears jersey - it represents much love to my fellow Bears fans @Bradgross @jennikeating and it should breed discontentment from my new friend and Bear hater @mr60ii.

Oh and Halon is engineering some MAD Lego SKILLS!!!

This is Noble.  He is a 'lefty' and here he is working on his penmanship.

Friday's are my favorite!

Jesse

Words. Words. Words.

I'm thinking about words today.  You know, a series of letters combined to form actual meaning. Words are incredibly significant for many reasons.  Can you imagine going an hour without speaking one word? What about a year?  One guy did for a college study several years ago. PSYCHO!

The truth about words regarding communication is this: They hold the power of life and death.  Either you can BUILD others up with your words or you can TEAR them down.

Building others up requires you to learn the art of 'saying the right words at the right time'.  Check this out:

The wrong words at the wrong time discourage me.

The wrong words at the right time frustrate me. 

The right words said at the wrong time confuse me. 

The right words at the right time encourage me.     

So, when you speak up, how can you best encourage others using the right words at the right time? Keep this in mind:

Be sensitive to the time and place: 

"Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances."

If you can learn to be sensitive to your setting, you've won half the battle of saying the right words at the right time.

Say it from the heart:

"It's not just what you say and when you say it: it's also how you say it."

People can tell the difference between hollow words and something said from the heart.

Recognize the power of the right words at the right time:

"Saying the right words at the right time can do more than just make a person feel good in the moment.  it can have an impact that is positive and lasting."

Look for opportunities to uplift others with your words.  It just might change their lives.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

*Thank you John Maxwell for the inspiration for this post.

Measuring Stick

I returned from Kansas City yesterday.  I was speaking at a funeral for a young man who days before his graduation tragically died.  Cameron was fishing with friends on his property when his hook got stuck. He decided that he would jump in to untangle it and dove head first.  He snapped his 5th vertebra and was killed instantly.

As I saw him resting in his casket, I asked God this question: "How could 18 years be enough?"

The night before Cameron passed away, he hit an RBI triple for his baseball team to win the game.  As I read the article from the newspaper all I could think was "How could 18 years be enough?"  There he was in his casket, dressed in his baseball uniform, resting peacefully.  I thought about many of my interactions with him.  He was a sweet kid with a big smile.

During his funeral, one pastor mentioned something I did not know.  He talked about how Cameron decided on his own to become an organ donor.  Cameron, not knowing how or when his life would end, was concerned about giving life to others in need.  Because of his incredibly mature and selfless decision, here is what happened:

• A woman in her 30's received a liver so her life could go on.
• A man in his 40's received fresh kidney's. 
• A man in his 50's received a strong heart beaming full of life.  

Several other donations were made to help those in need.  How powerful is this?  To give life? Amazing.

So, was 18 years enough?

Corrie Ten Boom said this, 

"The true measure of success in life is not duration, but rather donation." 

I'd say, Cameron's life although cut short rather abruptly, was very successful.  His family and friends should be proud to call him their own.

How do you measure success for your life?

Stretch yourself

Jesse

The Trip

I am in Kansas City, Mo today.  I spent seven years of my life here.  Many things happened in those seven years.  New jobs were taken, my kids were born (in the exact same hospital room), purchased my first home and built many great relationships.  I guess it could be mentioned that the beginning of my adult life found it's formation here.

I flew in late last night and met up with my good friend Nate Williams - @n8tronic.  We hit up Steak n Shake for a total gut bomb and after an hour or so of playing catch up, I asked him to take me by some important places.  It's been two years since I left.  It is all familiar yet all very different at the same time.  Signs of progress mark the city and it's great to see. 

After about four hours of sleep, I met an old friend for breakfast.  My contacts felt like FIRE in my eyes and my body screamed for 'more rest please!'  However, it was more important to connect with my friend.  *Don't ever let people become insignificant to you.  It is a very dangerous place to be and could be an indicator that you are disconnecting from TRUE reality.

We had a great breakfast and the time together was as if we had never been apart.  That is 'a' measure of a true friend.  The ability to come together no matter the length of time that has passed and pick right back up as if you had been meeting each week.  I've heard the excuse many times, 'Jesse, I don't have time to meet with people and build relationships.'  Well, I guess we make time for what is important to us.

The irony of the trip is that in the midst of these positive feelings, I am actually here for a funeral.  I will be speaking during the ceremony and as I collect some thoughts, I have come to realize that preparing to speak at a funeral could be the most difficult task assigned to anyone.  What do you really say?  How could anything you say have a positive effect on the people in attendance?

Cameron was 18 years old.  He should have graduated Sunday. Unfortunately, life took a different direction.  So, here I am in Kansas City - where so many positive, wonderful things of my past echo through my heart and I'm trying to separate those from the task at hand.  It's not easy.

I am becoming increasingly aware of how quickly the memories of the past quickly fade as life progresses.  There is always more to accomplish, work to be done, and plans to be made.  What if we stopped for just a minute to take inventory of those people in our life and the memories in our past that were most meaningful?  What if we took a moment and were truly thankful for those things?  Why not do that right now and just let those things settle into your mind and heart?

What a great opportunity to honor your past and create excitement for your future.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

*Oh, I will definitely be having some KC BBQ tonight, I will keep you posted!

Giving myself away

ONE

Recently, I have been thinking about the power of one.  On the outside, one seems insignificant, lowly and less than.  For some the object of life is 'much'.  Get more, and have the most.  People work hard to gain, to get and to multiply.  One is not enough, we need more than one.  But what if 'one' was enough? What if we could harness the power of one?  It's been said, there is great strength in numbers and I agree. I would say there is much power in 'one'.

A friend of mine tragically passed away on Thursday.  I'm headed to Kansas City, MO for his funeral.  He would graduate from High School tomorrow (Sunday, May 18).  I've been thinking about that one moment when his life moved from the present, into eternity.  I have thought about his one chance at life and how could 18 years have possibly been enough.  Through one decision, he altered his life forever, as well as his entire family and sphere of influence. THAT is the power of ONE.

It's safe to say, we do not know which day will be our last.  One thing that is for sure, is that life is like a vapor.  It is here seemingly one minute and gone the next.  One last breath takes us into eternity.

I've come to discover just how precious life really is.  Not the job, not the house, not the car, not the stuff.  LIFE is precious.  And within the realm of life, relationships are truly the treasure that reminds us of just how fortunate we are to be breathing in this very moment.

What if each person we met became significant to us in some way or another?  What if we didn't take for granted those that 'happen their way' into our life?  What if each relationship no matter how close the connection, became very important to us?  I would argue that it should.  

I want to treat each person in my life as 'one'.  Not one of many, but 'one' significant part of my life. I want to 'move through the crowd slowly'.  I want to make sure I make eye contact and give time to people.  When people talk to me, I want to give them all of my attention.  When it comes to relationships, I want to live by this quote:

"Wherever you are, be all the way there."

I want people to 'feel' how much they mean to me.  They need to feel valued, understood and necessary.  In this one moment with this one person, they need to know how incredible significant they are to me.  That is the power of ONE.  

We have one life, one chance to get it right and I don't want to blow it.  The power of one can be incredibly strong.  Leverage it.  Take a look at your schedule today.  How can you apply this to your current situation?  Maybe, it's giving your undivided attention to a child.  Perhaps it's focused time with your spouse.  Could it just be a genuine 'thank-you' at the grocery store?  

You only get this moment right now so make the most of it.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

Caught in the trap of the past

The past is very interesting.  Some tell us that the best way to predict the future is to look at the past. Possibly.  No doubt, the past plays a pretty significant role in who we are today.  Think back to your past for a moment.  What one moment comes to mind immediately?  Was it a positive moment or was it negative?  I would venture to say, that the majority of us think back to the negative.  Maybe for some, it was a difficult situation with a parent.  For others, the devastation of a divorce or perhaps missed opportunity.

Regardless of the circumstance, we all have a 'past' to battle.  Unfortunately, many people are caught in 'the trap' of the past, and they are incarcerated by their own thoughts which keep us from a future of promise, success and fulfillment.  Paralyzed by the 'what could have beens' people often measure their own self-worth and value with where they have come from.  

I believe one way to break through the prison of the past is to consider our future through a new lens. The healthy measuring stick in regards to our future should be this question:

 'What could be for my life?'  In other words, 'In light of my future hopes and dreams, what exactly is my potential for follow-thru?"

I realize that many people cannot see their own potential, because they are blinded by the past. Regardless of skill and talent, we all have what it takes to move forward with a positive, successful lifestyle regardless of any past issue.  Here are three things to consider 'working into your life':

1.  LOVE  - Learn to love life.  Loving life does not necessarily mean, loving the situation you are in. Loving life is simply an awareness that life is a gift, the people in your life are precious and life moves fast so take full advantage of the day.  Love includes looking for the best in people. Love, however is sacrificial.  It will take some 'pride killing' to truly love.  It's moving from a 'me first' mentality to an 'others first' perspective.

2.  SERVE -  A mentor of mine always says, "find a need and fill it, find a hurt and heal it".  This pretty much sums up the mentality of someone progressing in life and moving out of the trap of the past. I'm always amazed at how those that serve are often blessed or changed more than the one being served. We are wired with compassion and a desire to help.  Some of us need to look a little deeper for it, but trust me it's there.  Serving others unleashes compassion and a 'soft heart' which is necessary to view the future as full of potential.  Start looking for needs in the lives of those around you and do what you can to fill it.  Find a hurt and heal it.  You may be surprised to notice that you will find yourself on the path to some necessary healing.

3.  GROW - Honestly, we all have a choice to make when it comes to our past.  We can choose to 'get better' or we can choose to 'get bitter'.  For some, the past disables them, while for others, the past enables them.  Which category do you fall in?  I've determined that rarely could a situation be negative. Disappointing?  Absolutely.  Frustrating?  Yep.  I've made up my mind to learn from my past.  Growing from the past equips us for the future.  It gives us a model of the 'what could be'.  Honestly, the most difficult times in life, prove to be the most productive times of growth.  However, your response to the situation always determines whether you are growing or simply maintaining.

A final thought:  While your past may shape you and direct you, we have to realize it does not define you.  Have you been defined by your past?  Do you ever feel trapped by the past?  Take a moment to evaluate the above three abilities we all have and determine to 'work them' into your life today.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

If they're your friend, SLAP 'EM!

Our desire to be accepted is so overwelmingly great that it often diminishes our ability to be a great friend.  I think we take the role we play in our friends lives for granted.  It's interesting because rarely do we 'choose' our own friends, our friends 'choose' us.  We simply gravitate towards those who accept us.

Unfortunately this type of relational result rarely offers us the ability to be the person God intends us to be to others.  The reason is because when we approach relationships this way, we hardly ever have the courage to challenge our friends or be challenged by them.  The bible teaches us what a healthy friendship looks like in Proverbs.

"It is better to correct someone openly than to have love and not show it. The slap of a friend can be trusted to help you, but the kisses of an enemy are nothing but lies." (Proverbs 27:5-6).

 Wow - the Word is pretty strong here.  A good friend will give and take open correction.  Does it mean it will not hurt?  Nope, because it will, a slap always stings.   Correction is actually an opportunity for growth and growing usually hurts a little and that's okay.

So, start being a good friend and allow the slap of correction to be a healthy part of your friendships. 

Stretch yourself

Jesse