STRETCH

'Lead with your Listener'

• We spend half of our 'work' day - about four hours - in listening activities.   
• You hear about two hours' worth of what is said.
• You actually listen to about half of it. 
• You only understand thirty minutes of that hour. 
• You believe only 15 minutes' worth. 
• And you remember less than eight minutes of all that is said. 

There IS a difference between 'hearing' and 'listening'.  When people talk - do you really 'hear' them? Can you 'feel' what they are trying to express?  This isn't about making assumptions or drawing conclusions. This is about understanding, learning, keeping problems from growing, and establishing trust.

"One of the greatest gifts you can give anyone is the gift of attention." - John Rohn

I love this quote because it reminds me that listening is so much more than hearing.  Listening is far more than simply using your ears.  Listening requires eye contact, body language and time.  One rule I try to live by when interacting and 'listening' to others is this:

Wherever you are, be all the way there.

I want my mind, my attention, my eyes to be focused on the individual speaking to me.  The next time you are in a group of people and someone is talking - look at their eyes as they speak and before you know it, they will be looking at you the majority of the time.  This naturally will create influence and influence always precedes leadership.

So, in the context of your relationships at home, work or play - are you a 'hearer' or a 'listener'?

Stretch yourself

Jesse

Seeing what can't be seen

We are all leading someone. This is reality.  CEO's lead organizations, Mayor's lead cities, principles lead schools and parents lead children.  It's safe to say, you are leading someone.  Maybe it's a friend, a sibling or a co-worker.  LEADERSHIP is NATURAL.  

Potential is a valuable commodity.  A few things to consider about 'potential'.   It is full of promise, hope and direction.  Potential is 'existing in possibility'. It's up for grabs, but is not guaranteed.  It is capable of developing into actuality. Here is what the famous composer Gian Carlo Menotti said about potential:

"Hell begins on that day when God grants us a clear vision of all that we might have achieved, of all the gifts that we wasted, of all that we might have done that we did not do."

Another thing about potential. One key to creating your own is to recognize it in others. When you look at someone, what do you see? Do you even see anything? What if you started looking for potential. Unrealized potential is a tragic waste. When you lead someone, you have the privilege of helping others discover and develop their potential. But you can't do that until you see their potential. The real test is always between what you've done and what you're capable of doing. 

Whenever you look at people, look for the spark of greatness. Watch and listen with your heart as well as your eyes. What if you saw a glimpse of something in someone and you called it out?

Look at your children and determine what is 'existing in possibility'. Did they do something without being told? Maybe that is a glimpse of responsibility. Affirm that. Remember this principle:

Whatever gets rewarded, gets repeated.

Effective leadership, regardless of your position or title, requires you to 'see what can't be seen' in the lives of those around you and calling it out.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

TOUGH questions...

Do you ever process?  Ever go beneath the surface with your own life?  I've discovered something about myself that I don't really like. Sometimes, I am deeply afraid of who I really am.  Ever feel that way? Maybe, Maybe not. Just stay with me....

I have decided, that I should 'process' more than I currently do.  What I mean by 'process' is asking tough questions.  It's easy for me to ask others the tough ones. But how about when I ask myself?  I tend to fight them off at first. Or I answer them in 'incomplete thoughts'.

Here are some 'tough questions' I've been asking myself lately:

• What are you passionate about?
• What do you want to be remembered for when you die? 
• If the whole world listened to me for one minute, what would I say? 
• What makes you really angry? 
• How do you balance humility and confidence? 
• When has fear stopped you from doing something you knew was the right thing to do?    

Take an afternoon and think through these and see if it doesn't mess you over!  One thing I believe we are really lacking in our culture today is 'original thought'.  

True, there is 'nothing new under the sun' but there may just be a 'new' way to be you. Could it be?

Asking the tough questions...

Stretch yourself

Jesse

"Mentor Me!"

I don't care how old you are, how successful you are or how smart you are, everyone needs a mentor. A mentor is critical in the life of every successful person.  You could be a stay at home mom (or dad), a teacher, church planter, or handy man. Make sure you have someone in your life to guide, challenge and instruct you.

Here is the thing about mentors: Most of the time, they won't come looking for you.  You will have to find them.  How about a few clues to help you find that very important ingredient in the recipe of success for your life?

1. GOOD HISTORY - Look for someone who has a good track record in the thing you want to do.  We live in an incredible age.  The age of access.  It's amazing to me how accessible people are today. Interested in marketing?  Why not email SethGodin and ask him to take you under your wing?  What would it hurt?

2. MUTUAL BENEFIT - All great relationships benefit each other.  It is never one-sided.  (That is important for people who are mentoring others.)  Please don't act like you run the show.  Discover things together. Show off your weaknesses, describe your mistakes and show people how you are overcoming those things. For those looking for the mentor, how can you bring benefit to them?

3. FIND A WAY - Don't force the fit. Let this relationship develop naturally.  Just find a way to be around your potential mentor and help them by serving, helping, and contributing any way you can.

4. ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS AT THE RIGHT TIME - Timing is everything! Learn to 'feel' when the time is right to ask certain questions.  Be sensitive to the right opportunities to learn.  Most of the time, you will learn more by observing.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

Words. Words. Words.

I'm thinking about words today.  You know, a series of letters combined to form actual meaning. Words are incredibly significant for many reasons.  Can you imagine going an hour without speaking one word? What about a year?  One guy did for a college study several years ago. PSYCHO!

The truth about words regarding communication is this: They hold the power of life and death.  Either you can BUILD others up with your words or you can TEAR them down.

Building others up requires you to learn the art of 'saying the right words at the right time'.  Check this out:

The wrong words at the wrong time discourage me.

The wrong words at the right time frustrate me. 

The right words said at the wrong time confuse me. 

The right words at the right time encourage me.     

So, when you speak up, how can you best encourage others using the right words at the right time? Keep this in mind:

Be sensitive to the time and place: 

"Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances."

If you can learn to be sensitive to your setting, you've won half the battle of saying the right words at the right time.

Say it from the heart:

"It's not just what you say and when you say it: it's also how you say it."

People can tell the difference between hollow words and something said from the heart.

Recognize the power of the right words at the right time:

"Saying the right words at the right time can do more than just make a person feel good in the moment.  it can have an impact that is positive and lasting."

Look for opportunities to uplift others with your words.  It just might change their lives.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

*Thank you John Maxwell for the inspiration for this post.

Caught in the trap of the past

The past is very interesting.  Some tell us that the best way to predict the future is to look at the past. Possibly.  No doubt, the past plays a pretty significant role in who we are today.  Think back to your past for a moment.  What one moment comes to mind immediately?  Was it a positive moment or was it negative?  I would venture to say, that the majority of us think back to the negative.  Maybe for some, it was a difficult situation with a parent.  For others, the devastation of a divorce or perhaps missed opportunity.

Regardless of the circumstance, we all have a 'past' to battle.  Unfortunately, many people are caught in 'the trap' of the past, and they are incarcerated by their own thoughts which keep us from a future of promise, success and fulfillment.  Paralyzed by the 'what could have beens' people often measure their own self-worth and value with where they have come from.  

I believe one way to break through the prison of the past is to consider our future through a new lens. The healthy measuring stick in regards to our future should be this question:

 'What could be for my life?'  In other words, 'In light of my future hopes and dreams, what exactly is my potential for follow-thru?"

I realize that many people cannot see their own potential, because they are blinded by the past. Regardless of skill and talent, we all have what it takes to move forward with a positive, successful lifestyle regardless of any past issue.  Here are three things to consider 'working into your life':

1.  LOVE  - Learn to love life.  Loving life does not necessarily mean, loving the situation you are in. Loving life is simply an awareness that life is a gift, the people in your life are precious and life moves fast so take full advantage of the day.  Love includes looking for the best in people. Love, however is sacrificial.  It will take some 'pride killing' to truly love.  It's moving from a 'me first' mentality to an 'others first' perspective.

2.  SERVE -  A mentor of mine always says, "find a need and fill it, find a hurt and heal it".  This pretty much sums up the mentality of someone progressing in life and moving out of the trap of the past. I'm always amazed at how those that serve are often blessed or changed more than the one being served. We are wired with compassion and a desire to help.  Some of us need to look a little deeper for it, but trust me it's there.  Serving others unleashes compassion and a 'soft heart' which is necessary to view the future as full of potential.  Start looking for needs in the lives of those around you and do what you can to fill it.  Find a hurt and heal it.  You may be surprised to notice that you will find yourself on the path to some necessary healing.

3.  GROW - Honestly, we all have a choice to make when it comes to our past.  We can choose to 'get better' or we can choose to 'get bitter'.  For some, the past disables them, while for others, the past enables them.  Which category do you fall in?  I've determined that rarely could a situation be negative. Disappointing?  Absolutely.  Frustrating?  Yep.  I've made up my mind to learn from my past.  Growing from the past equips us for the future.  It gives us a model of the 'what could be'.  Honestly, the most difficult times in life, prove to be the most productive times of growth.  However, your response to the situation always determines whether you are growing or simply maintaining.

A final thought:  While your past may shape you and direct you, we have to realize it does not define you.  Have you been defined by your past?  Do you ever feel trapped by the past?  Take a moment to evaluate the above three abilities we all have and determine to 'work them' into your life today.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

If they're your friend, SLAP 'EM!

Our desire to be accepted is so overwelmingly great that it often diminishes our ability to be a great friend.  I think we take the role we play in our friends lives for granted.  It's interesting because rarely do we 'choose' our own friends, our friends 'choose' us.  We simply gravitate towards those who accept us.

Unfortunately this type of relational result rarely offers us the ability to be the person God intends us to be to others.  The reason is because when we approach relationships this way, we hardly ever have the courage to challenge our friends or be challenged by them.  The bible teaches us what a healthy friendship looks like in Proverbs.

"It is better to correct someone openly than to have love and not show it. The slap of a friend can be trusted to help you, but the kisses of an enemy are nothing but lies." (Proverbs 27:5-6).

 Wow - the Word is pretty strong here.  A good friend will give and take open correction.  Does it mean it will not hurt?  Nope, because it will, a slap always stings.   Correction is actually an opportunity for growth and growing usually hurts a little and that's okay.

So, start being a good friend and allow the slap of correction to be a healthy part of your friendships. 

Stretch yourself

Jesse

Stench

Stench is definitely the smell that lingers from our junk.  When the junk isn't thrown out, the stench gets worse.  Becareful to remove the stench, if you don't, you will find yourself all alone.  People will not follow you as long as you are leaving a stench trail.

Stench 1:  SELF-PROMOTION

Proverbs 27:2 "Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips."

I was watching American Idol recently.  I love how they show the worst people first.  Sometimes they are so bad, it makes me cringe.  That is exactly what happens when you sing your own praises.  It sounds awful, out of tune and just plain gross.  It stinks.

But when other people sing your praises, it's beautiful.  The key to having other people sing your praises is to stop singing your own.

Leave that nasty stench behind!

Stretch yourself

Jesse

Would've, could've, should've,

Samuel said to Saul, "You have done foolishly. You have not kept the commandment of the Lord your God, which He commanded you.  For now the Lord would have established your kingdom over Israel forever. But now your kingdom shall not continue."

When we step into positions of authority, God removes the external barriers from our life.  God gives us his anointing, a position and the potential to become a great leader.

Even though the external barriers are taken away, the internal roadblocks remain.  These are the character issues that we must deal with and allow God the freedom to remove them one by one.  Here are a few in Saul's life - see if you relate to any.

• Fear  
• Impatience 
• Denial 
• Impulsiveness 
• Deceit 
• Jealousy 
• Anger  

All of these dealt with Saul's character.  Unfortunately, he was more concerned with looking good than getting right.  As Maxwell says, "Because he never removed the lids from his leadership, God removed him from the throne of Israel."

What could've been for Saul?  What would have been?  What should have been?

What could be for you?  What would be for you?  What should be for you?

Stretch yourself

Jesse
  

Are you effective?

Leadership is my thing.  We all gravitate towards something and I am passionate about becoming a better leader.  I want to be someone worth following.  Am I good leader?  I know that I am certainly a better leader today than I was 3 years ago, for that matter I'm a stronger leader today than I was last year at this time.  But I want to keep improving, keep learning and continue to grow as a leader.

Here is what I'm learning through my long distance mentor, John Maxwell:

"Every person has the potential to become a leader."

Leadership ability determines a person's level of effectiveness.  To reach the highest level of effectiveness, you have to raise the lid on your leadership ability.

"While others wait to see what's going to happen, leaders step forward and rise to the challenge."

Good leaders never admit their shortcomings, ask God's forgiveness and blessing, and improve himself.  

Stretch yourself

Jesse