STRETCH

'Lead with your Listener'

• We spend half of our 'work' day - about four hours - in listening activities.   
• You hear about two hours' worth of what is said.
• You actually listen to about half of it. 
• You only understand thirty minutes of that hour. 
• You believe only 15 minutes' worth. 
• And you remember less than eight minutes of all that is said. 

There IS a difference between 'hearing' and 'listening'.  When people talk - do you really 'hear' them? Can you 'feel' what they are trying to express?  This isn't about making assumptions or drawing conclusions. This is about understanding, learning, keeping problems from growing, and establishing trust.

"One of the greatest gifts you can give anyone is the gift of attention." - John Rohn

I love this quote because it reminds me that listening is so much more than hearing.  Listening is far more than simply using your ears.  Listening requires eye contact, body language and time.  One rule I try to live by when interacting and 'listening' to others is this:

Wherever you are, be all the way there.

I want my mind, my attention, my eyes to be focused on the individual speaking to me.  The next time you are in a group of people and someone is talking - look at their eyes as they speak and before you know it, they will be looking at you the majority of the time.  This naturally will create influence and influence always precedes leadership.

So, in the context of your relationships at home, work or play - are you a 'hearer' or a 'listener'?

Stretch yourself

Jesse

Wherever sleep may find you..

I put 'Thing 2' in his bed and told 'Thing 1' to go to bed.  After about thirty minutes I went to check on T1 and this is what I found...

Yes, that's him asleep in a laundry basket...WHOW!!  What a cute kid. ;)

Sure do love you son...

Dad

Happy Birthday 'Thing 2'!!

Noble turned three today.  We did the usual.  Presents, cake, song and WATER PARK!  Here are some pics!

Noble had a great day, first thing he said when he saw his presents was "Thank you mom and dad!"  You are welcome little man.....enjoy those golf clubs, you have a scholarship to earn!

Dad

Seeing what can't be seen

We are all leading someone. This is reality.  CEO's lead organizations, Mayor's lead cities, principles lead schools and parents lead children.  It's safe to say, you are leading someone.  Maybe it's a friend, a sibling or a co-worker.  LEADERSHIP is NATURAL.  

Potential is a valuable commodity.  A few things to consider about 'potential'.   It is full of promise, hope and direction.  Potential is 'existing in possibility'. It's up for grabs, but is not guaranteed.  It is capable of developing into actuality. Here is what the famous composer Gian Carlo Menotti said about potential:

"Hell begins on that day when God grants us a clear vision of all that we might have achieved, of all the gifts that we wasted, of all that we might have done that we did not do."

Another thing about potential. One key to creating your own is to recognize it in others. When you look at someone, what do you see? Do you even see anything? What if you started looking for potential. Unrealized potential is a tragic waste. When you lead someone, you have the privilege of helping others discover and develop their potential. But you can't do that until you see their potential. The real test is always between what you've done and what you're capable of doing. 

Whenever you look at people, look for the spark of greatness. Watch and listen with your heart as well as your eyes. What if you saw a glimpse of something in someone and you called it out?

Look at your children and determine what is 'existing in possibility'. Did they do something without being told? Maybe that is a glimpse of responsibility. Affirm that. Remember this principle:

Whatever gets rewarded, gets repeated.

Effective leadership, regardless of your position or title, requires you to 'see what can't be seen' in the lives of those around you and calling it out.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

Who's your Daddy day?

So, we've established that Father's day should be changed to 'Who's your Daddy Day' and we've discovered that this day should serve as a reminder for Dad's to recognize the great responsibility they have to their children.

Dad's, if you have boys, realize their need for affection from you.  Most men don't know how to show affection or it simply doesn't come natural.  Also, there is a misnomer that boys should not be shown affection.  I find this repulsive.  That somehow instead, they must be un-affectionate, unemotional robots. Unfortunately, a correct model has not been given in many homes.

Affection from Dad helps build self-esteem, confidence and adds tremendous value to their boys' self-worth. All of these are critical in the developmental process for our boys. If we can be purposeful about our role in this process, I believe we will see a new generation of men.  Here are some words that may describe these men:

• confident
• emotionally aware 
• fulfilled 
• peaceful 
• compassionate 
• loyal 
• wise 
• attractive to others
• prepared for the future 
• ability to make good decisions 
• prosper 

I'm sure there are many more.  But all of these traits are developed over many years of shaping, and molding by the strong hands of a confident Dad.

Dad, love on your boys.  Hug them every day, look into their eyes and tell them what you see in them. Kiss your boys every day.  Cuddle with them.  Tell them how happy they make you.  

Every day is an opportunity for you to shape your little man into someone great.  

His future will be filled with people, decisions to make and circumstances to brave that desperately need YOU to be the DAD your son needs.

  

Stretch yourself

Jesse

Who's Your Daddy?

So, guess what's coming up?  One of my favorite days of the year: Father's Day (which I'm petitioning a name change to 'Who's Your Daddy? Day').

This will be my fifth year as a dad and in my own unique, sometimes crazy mind, I will have won the 'Dad of the Year' award for the fifth consecutive year.  Obviously, Father's day is a time to be honored, but honestly, I consider this special day a reminder of the great responsibility and privilege I have to be called 'Dad'.

This week, to celebrate Dad's, I want to touch on a few priorities that I believe are critical to effective Fatherhood.  I strongly believe that 'priorities' must be given way to and men, unless we 'fight' to grow these in our own lives, we can easily be sidetracked, simply settling for compromised Fatherhood. 

Phillip Lancaster said.-  "What this country needs is a few good men - husbands and fathers who are willing to love and lead their households with manly resolve and godly vision."

Stretch Yourself

Jesse

TOUGH questions...

Do you ever process?  Ever go beneath the surface with your own life?  I've discovered something about myself that I don't really like. Sometimes, I am deeply afraid of who I really am.  Ever feel that way? Maybe, Maybe not. Just stay with me....

I have decided, that I should 'process' more than I currently do.  What I mean by 'process' is asking tough questions.  It's easy for me to ask others the tough ones. But how about when I ask myself?  I tend to fight them off at first. Or I answer them in 'incomplete thoughts'.

Here are some 'tough questions' I've been asking myself lately:

• What are you passionate about?
• What do you want to be remembered for when you die? 
• If the whole world listened to me for one minute, what would I say? 
• What makes you really angry? 
• How do you balance humility and confidence? 
• When has fear stopped you from doing something you knew was the right thing to do?    

Take an afternoon and think through these and see if it doesn't mess you over!  One thing I believe we are really lacking in our culture today is 'original thought'.  

True, there is 'nothing new under the sun' but there may just be a 'new' way to be you. Could it be?

Asking the tough questions...

Stretch yourself

Jesse

Inspirational People (pt. 3)

Meet Sabrina:  Mom to two earth angels and one angel in heaven.

I am beginning a new Category called 'Inspirational People'.  These are ordinary people who have courageously battled life.  Their stories are meant to inspire and encourage us. 

"I became an internet junky after that searching for any clues as to how he died because I still had no answers from any doctors.  Three months of searching lead to all these websites of families who were also dealing with this pain. I wasn't alone even though I felt more alone than ever before. My family was great as they let me talk about it but sometimes I felt they were obligated to listen to me and it became uncomfortable to talk to certain people.

Not many people understand what it is like to suffer such a loss and not every loss is the same.   Everyone copes with it in different ways. I was addicted to graphic design learning it myself online.  I began making little graphics in memory of Nicholas sharing his story through loss groups or blogs for forums for pregnancy and infant loss. I was one of the few that did not take any medication to help with my loss. Before my son died, I barely used the internet.  The grieving process took about 2 years.  It's amazing how you go through certain stages in the grieving process.

When I look back, I can see those stages and remember how I felt when I went through them. Denial was one.  Then there was anger, which seemed the longest. I couldn't talk or look at a pregnant woman, or newborn babies, but eventually I started talking about it with others and saw the value in helping other families cope.  Doing this really helped me heal and in the end I started to believe the reason he died was partially because I was meant to help other people who are grieving.

One of my purposes was to help mothers and fathers cope with their losing their baby.  I want to take what I have experienced and help other parents who have lost a child. I joined a foundation that was dedicated in helping families cope. I delivered bears and cards strictly for parents who have lost a child, in my region/cities. I met some great nurses and hospital staff that were happy to have my gifts delivered for grieving families. To know that I was able to help someone was so important for me. As time went on, I actually suffered two more losses. One early miscarriage and one 12 week miscarriage.  Finally after two years, I became pregnant."

To be continued -

Inspirational People (pt. 2)

I am beginning a new Category called 'Inspirational People'.  These are ordinary people who have courageously battled life.  Their stories are meant to inspire and encourage us.  

Meet Sabrina:  Mom to two earth angels and one angel in heaven.

"We arrived at the hospital just after 4pm which was about half hour after we left the doctors office.  Three nurses tried to get the heartbeat and my OBGYN happened to be on duty so they called him in and he tried. Still nothing. I was not sure how to feel at this time even though the nurses were still optimistic. 

They sent me for an ultrasound and I was not able to see anything. The technician was extremely quiet. My husband watched everything and described what he saw. Since he was not able to read the ultrasound, he assumed everything was fine. He told me our son had his knees up and arms across his chest. At about 7:30pm a nurse and my obgyn came in to see me. They sat next to me on the bed held my hands and gave me the worst news I had ever heard in my entire life. 

They left us alone to decide on waiting until my body went into labor or to have me induced that night. My husband called our family to let them know. My parents and our very close family friends were together and arrived at the hospital not to long after. We agreed to be induced that night and all the while I prayed they were wrong and if he was born he would be ok cause I was 36 weeks, so it wasn't too early for him to come out now. Seventeen hours later, Nicholas was born.  There was no physical evidence that anything was wrong. No heartbeat, no breathing... nothing. 

All I can remember was one nurse crying. Next, we had him baptized with our family present. And then he stayed in the room with us, they did what they could to help me sleep but nothing worked. Leaving the hospital was hard, because I just given birth and no child was coming home with me. The funeral took place on memorial day weekend (for the states) but it was all over the news being advertised so I remember it every year on that day. We didn't go straight home, we actually stayed at my parents place and then my in-laws. They planned to take the baby room down but didn't by the time we went home. The door stayed shut for a long time. Everything was purple and yellow with snoopy decorations. it was a rare theme couldn't really find anything for it unless we went to Toys R Us in Buffalo which was our plan he was due June 15thFathers day that year. He was a month early and passed away so we never made it out to Buffalo. I think it was a few weeks before I attempted to go into the room. I had a real hard time for the first three months. I barely slept, I had to take sleeping pills to get any sleep... The vision of his birth and him after were so vivid in my mind I re-lived it every night....."

To be continued.

Jesse

A Day in the Life: (Old School journal style)

Sadly, my day in the life video has been lost in translation.  Not sure what happened, but the camera is not importing my footage to my computer.  So, in the meantime this is what was accomplished today.

 

6:00        Wake-up  (Shower, clean up, dress, check Twitter...the norm)
  7:00        Wake-up Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Promptly serve breakfast to avoid panicked frenzy)
  7:20        Dress Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Socks aren't matching but who cares?)
  7:45        Leave for Day (Pile in family truckster and head to baby squatter's house)
  8:00        Drop Off (Lovingly drop kids at nanny's house *wave, kiss, hug*)

 

Drive    Drive    Drive    Drive

 

8:45         Arrive at place of employment
  9:00         Promptly begin a writing project/upcoming deadline
  9:30         Begin Meeting 1: (Mtg should be over at 10:30)
11:04         Meeting ends (Angels are singing)
11:13         Leave for Fountain Hills, AZ (Upcoming retreat destination)
11:40         Arrive at lunch destination (hmmm...check out the view)

Yes, that is a GIANT fountain in a lake full of reclaimed water.  Not safe for swimming, but definitely safe for viewing.

12:50    Leave for retreat destination (take tour of facilities - it's beautiful) Enjoy it here.

*walk around the place, looking at rooms, pool, ect. View from balcony below:
1:00    Gather all the information for the retreat (including a Creme Soda Dum Dum)
1:12    Head back to Phoenix (Laughing the entire way with my team)
1:43    Starbucks run (Iced Coffee with milk and a shot of vanilla GRANDE *thanks for all the     
           recommendations from my Twitter pals)
2:20    Back in office (make a mass of phone calls, twitter check)
3:40    Quick meeting with the team (This is where we determined to postpone retreat.  LOL)
5:00    Quick meeting with a young leader (Challenging his attitude was a good thing and will pay
           dividends ONE day)
5:15    Leave to get Thing 1 and Thing 2 (drive, drive, drive, Twitter check)
6:00    Grab boys (Thank nanny, *hugs *kisses *back in the family truckster)
6:15    HOME!

Enjoyed the day - lots happening - I have a great life.

Jesse